The first time that I watched the Brit Awards was when I was a kid. That was the Awards’ “annus horriblis” (or whatever the Latin is for crappest of crap years) when a 7’8” Mick Fleetwood presented next to 4’1” Samatha Fox. I didn’t realise what I was watching, I just new it was weird. I knew that he had the same surname as a band that my parents liked and that she got her boobs out. A lot. The year was 1989 and I was 9 years old. The year after they stopped showing the awards live, such was the atrocity.

So fast forward 21 years to 30th Anniversary of the Brits (and my life mwah!) and there has been all kinds of controversy. From the Jarvis Cocker wafting his fart at Michael Jackson to Danbert Nobacon from Chumbawumba (I sometimes find it hard to believe they existed) pouring water over John Prescott. This years awards are due to be hosted on Tuesday 10th February by Peter Kay, which is a marked improvement on the woeful Horne and Corden, who presented last year.

Anyways the point of this post is for me to run through the nominations, abuse them and tell you who I think should win – simples.

British Male Solo Artist
Calvin Harris, Dizzee Rascal, Mika, Paolo Nutini, Robbie Williams.

This has to go to Dizzee. Though I have enjoyed Calvin and Paolo this year. Mika and Robbie should take a long walk off a short pier

British Female Solo Artist
Bat for Lashes, Florence & the Machine, Leona Lewis, Lily Allen, Pixie Lott.

My friend JP hates all female solo artists, but he does have slight misogynistic tendancies.  I'd be happy with Bat For Lashes but I think that Florence will win. That would also suit JP – as she isn't really a solo artist – she has a whole machine supporting her!  

British Breakthrough Act
(Top 5 selected by Voting Academy; winner chosen by Radio 1 listeners)
Florence & the Machine , Friendly Fires, JLS, La Roux, Pixie Lott

As much as I love Radio 1, I don't trust their listeners judgement. JLS are favourites to win but i'd love a the Friendly Fires to luck out here.

British Group
Doves, Friendly Fires, JLS, Kasabian, Muse

Muse for sure though I dont think this has been their strongest year but it its hard to argue against the quality of Matt and his sidekicks.

MasterCard British Album
Dizzee Rascal – Tongue n’Cheek , Florence & the Machine – Lungs, Kasabian – West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum, Lily Allen – It’s Not Me, It’s You, Paolo Nutini – Sunny Side Up

Florence! Give it her! She loves it!

 

British Single
(Winner selected by UK Commercial Radio listeners)
Alesha Dixon – Breathe Slow, Alexandra Burke ft Flo Rida – Bad Boys, Cheryl Cole – Fight For This Love , Joe McElderry – The Climb, JLS – Beat Again, La Roux – In For The Kill, Lily Allen – The Fear, Pixie Lott – Mama Do, Taio Cruz – Break Your Heart, Tinchy Stryder Ft N – Dubz Number 1

This is the weakest collection of "songs" since the highly anticipated "Now thats what I call Bottom Burps: 73". It must have been a lot worse year than I remember if the best representation of UK music in 2009 is a choice between Cheryl Cole, Joe "I lost to Rage Against the Machine " McElderry and Taio Cruz. The best of a rancid bunch is actually a decent tune "In For the Kill" by La Roux – but she won't win. I don't want to know who will. Likely "JLS", which stands for Jelly Legged Sparrows, probably.

BRITs Performance of Past 30 Years
Bee Gees – Stayin’ Alive/How Deep is Your Love (1997), Bros – I Owe you Nothing (1989)
Coldplay – Clocks (2003), Eurythmics & Stevie Wonder – Angel (1999), Girls Aloud The Promise (2009), Kanye West – Gold Digger (2006), Kylie Minogue – Can’t Get You Out of my Head (2002), Michael Jackson – Earth Song (1996), Paul McCartney – Live & Let Die (2008), Pet Shop Boys – Go West (1994), Robbie Williams & Tom Jones  – The Full Monty Medley (1998), Scissor Sisters – Take Your Mama (2005), Spice Girls – Wannabe/Who Do You Think You Are (1997), Take That  – Beatles Medley – I Wanna Hold Your Hand/Hard Day’s Night/ She Loves Me (1994), The Who  – Who Are You (1988)

Hmm – I dont really care. I vote for Bros, for shits and giggles!

International Male Solo Artist
Bruce Springsteen, Eminem, Jay-Z, Michael Bublé, Seasick Steve

Yeah – Jay Z should win this, but having seen Seasick Steve play a guitar with 3 strings i'd have no hard feelings for him if he won!
 

International Female Solo Artist
Lady Gaga, Ladyhawke, Norah Jones, Rihanna, Shakira
 

Last year belonged to Lady of Gaga, partly because of her tunes but also because of her small pants. I think that she wants it more than anyone else ever has and ever will! Let give it to her i say

International Breakthrough Act
(Top 5 selected by Voting Academy; winner chosen by MTV viewers)
Animal Collective, Daniel Merriweather, Empire of the Sun, Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift

This would be great for Empire of the Sun to win this

International Album
Animal Collective – Merriweather Post Pavilion, Black Eyed Peas  – The E.N.D., Empire of the Sun  – Walking on a Dream, Jay-Z  – The Blueprint 3 , Lady Gaga – The Fame

Again my allegance lies with Mr Z here. Its great that he came out of retirement!

K*