I got a large response to my earlier cockblocking post. Thanks to all! It's really appreciated. One question I was asked quite a few times was – "Is cockblocking acceptable in any circumstance?"

I have thought about this quite a lot and the answer is…not really. Sorry! If you went to court on the charge of cockblocking, all instances apart from "Accidental" will result in a pretty extensive penalty. In cockblocking court, however, the jury may show be willing to show leniency in the following two specific cases:

Rescue Cockblocking: I asked a few people to describe what they thought the term "rescue cockblocking" would mean, and my hands down favourite was this response from Jenoir B. "it's when someone is being cornered by a minger and needs rescuing, a mate should go in and cockblock- but be mindful to have a plan for the rescuers escape route." Perfect – cheers JB!

A fantastic case in point happened the other week. I was out in bar M20 West Side (West Didsbury) with a few mates including Fernanda, Raz, Vicky and Gez. Towards the end of the night I was dancing in what little space is provided by M20 when I received painful strike to my left shin, but thinking nothing of it I carried on in boogie. A moment later I got three more equally painful leg strikes in rapid succession as if someone was trying to carve the Morse code for "S.O.S" into my shin with a stiletto heel. Someone was.

 

I looked up to see Vicky and the lanky piece of pond-life that had floated over with the intention of settling in her pants. I don't pick up on signals that easily but I could tell by the look on her face, the single tear rolling down her cheek and the semaphore that she wanted help. The rescue cockblock was on – sorry lanky pond-life boy. Nothing against you but needs must and all that. I stepped over and had a chat. Apparently he couldn't take a hint and I should talk to her until he sodded off. He didn't sod off. In fact he tried to engage me in conversation, about my T-Shirt of all things! Why? A minute later Vicky took her cue and did the toilet trick and I went back to throwing shapes.    

A few minutes later I was confronted by a forlorn, dejected and vexed pond-life boy. "I have to say mate" he bawled, trying to be threatening I think "you really fucked it up for me there." HA! I tried to explain that she wasn't interested and to learn to take a hint and told him where to go.

I'm not sure if I laughed in his face, but I did laugh myself to sleep!

 

Revenge Cockblocking: This should be pretty obvious! If you have been cockblocked by a particular person, you may wish to get your venegance by cockblocking them next time you see them. Simples.

Again this happened to me recently. I was out in the beautiful city of Manchester, dancing with a cool lady when this dude that I know, but didn't particularly like stepped up on her and started grinding away. I was livid. His C-block didn't work but still……

About 6 weeks later there was quite a large group of us out including the cockblocker. He was there and I saw him talking to a few girls. Brilliant! I turned to my friends Glen and Dan and told them that my sole reason for living tonight was to cockblock him back. With that jumped into the night. It was piss funny. I must have stepped up on him and 5 girls that night. I don't think he knew what was going on but on but it was great. Revenge was oh… so… sweet.

I also laughed myself to sleep that night.

K*