Its getting to the end of the year and the start of a new decade. I for one can’t wait. Not that I have anything against the last 10 years of my life. On the contrary, I loved them.
I finished university with 2:1 Masters after almost failing two years, and had A LOT of fun. After graduation I did a snowboarding season in Meribel France, snowboarding all day everyday and working as bouncer at night in the main club in the resort – again A LOT of fun. When the season ended I went traveling for 5 months starting in Thailand, finishing in the USA visiting Malaysia, New Zealand and Brazil to name a few. Again I had A LOT of fun! After traveling I came back home to my parents house and subsequently got a career type job or "proper job" as the Parents like to call it. Not long after getting the "proper job" I bought my first flat, which I currently live in and love living in and I am currently having A LOT of fun.
So why, when I had A LOT of fun in the past ten years, do I want to see the back of it? Simples – I hate the name the given to the decade – "The Noughties". I have no idea why I take such huge dislike to the turn of phrase. Its like a mini phobia or mini allergy. Perhaps mini allergy is the best way to describe it – sometimes if I hear the word when not braced for it I have to hold back a mini sick. Irrational I know! Maybe its the people that call it the noughties with such venomous glee that I take offence to. In my mind this kind of person is the exact opposite of anyone that I would like to spend any time with. Probably a self obsessed inheritance bore that lives and works in the city despite lacking the intelligence or talent to be there and got there on the merit on "Daddy’s" connections. This kind of person calls the BBC "The Beeb". This is the kind of person that quaffs, not drinks but quaffs jeroboams of champagne. Maybe I’m just jealous. As I write this I don’t even know what a jeroboam is and I lack the gene that likes taste of champagne. Maybe if I had that gene it would all be different. Maybe that’s why the term the noughties makes my stomach turn!
But what do we call the call the next decade? As I see it we are faced with three equally real and equally diabolical options. The Tweenies, the Teenies and the Tens. I’m not having any of them! They all sound like prepubescent programming by the BBC. The kind of programming that wished that they had come up with Disney’s High School Musical franchise and the Jonas Brothers. Maybe I don’t like Disney. No, that can’t be true as I love the Lion King and can’t wait for Toy Story 3 in 3D! I do much prefer Bugs Bunny to Mickey Mouse though.
The problem isn’t going to go away either. In 23 years time people will ask me "What were you doing/ wearing/ listenting to in the Noughties?," by which point I may have lost any control I had of my gastro oesophageal shpincter and vomit on your shoes.
You have been warned!