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Letter to Kermode and Mayo #1: The Official Wittertainment Bar?


Since stepping into the world of Apple Fanboydom I quickly became accustomed to the brilliance that is podcasts and podcasting. Little droplets of magic are delivered to your computer, phone or mp3 player on a regular basis. After pressing the subscribe button all you have to do is wait for the next nugget to arrive, press play, listen and enjoy. It’s all free!

As a Brit living out in Norway I have been missing my doses of the Auntie Beebs production. Through the BBC podcasts, however, I am maintaining a cool level head whilst others around me are are losing theirs on Aquavit and falling on the ice. I started out with the Chris Moyles show and Scot Mills podcasts with a smattering of Ricky Gervais as he sporadically delivered his.

Adam and Joe: 'We will be back.' Photograph: James Mollison
Adam and Joe: ‘We will be back.’ Photograph: James Mollison

A key turning point however was the discovery of the “Adam and Joe” Podcast. Dayum! I have loved these guys since I was at school watching their version of “Toy Trainspotting” laughing hysterically as the toys get more and more addicted to their drug “stuffing”. I know all the jingles and have even “Text the Nation”. Adam and Joe are short lived, however. Their lives to busy to maintain a long term radio show meaning that they appeared on BBC6 Music for a horribly short period. No sooner had they come, they left me, left me hanging, the bastards!

So after months of mourning, moping, moaning and melodramatisising (?) everything I decided to once more head into iTunes and find out anything that could fill that void. Boy did I! Boom i struck gold with BBC’s Kermode and Mayo Podcast. A weekly podcast reviewing, ranting and bickering about films! I love films, I’ve known who Mark Kermode was for years…why didn’t i try this before? I was presented with over 60 1.5hr podcasts – A year and two months worth yay!

Kermode and Mayo on
Kermode and Mayo on

That was in September 2011. It took me up the end of February 2012 to catch up including all the new content. During that time I have made a note of all the things that I would have written in about had I been listening live. For reasons beyond my grasping i have decided to write them any way and send them in…its not ilke i have shedloads of free time. I did think “Hey! I could turn this into a Kobestarr feature..” so thats what I have done. The following is the 1st of the letters that I have emailed into Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo. I wonder if they even read it! No animals were harmed in the making of this letter!

Kobestarr’s Letter To Kermode and Mayo #1
The Wittertainment Bar

Dear Montague and Capulet,

I have been a latecomer to your magnificent radio show, discovering your podcast whilst trying to fill the void left by Adam and Joe after their season finished. I started in September of last year and caught up with  “The Good Doctors” rambling and rants and the placid casualness of the Mayo.

I particularly enjoyed the build up to and the reveal of ” The Wittertainment Code of Conduct”  and  do my best to adhere to and enforce Kermodian law.

Last November my girlfriend, better known as “Red” and went to New York together. Whilst in Manhattans East Eillage we came across what has to be the official Wittertainment Bar. It is a prohibition style speakeasy called “Please Don’t Tell” or PDT. Being a speakeasy it is hidden by another establishment and can only be accessed by a fully functioning hot dog restaurant. In the restaurant there is a telephone booth built into the wall, this is the secret entrance to PDT. You simply make like you are going to make a call and the maitre’d opens a false wall and as long as you are presentable and there is  room you are let into a fantastic little cocktail bar!

The reason that  it is  should be  the official wittertainment bar  is that PDT has its own code of conduct which is  displayed on its immaculate toilet walls . As strange as it must have looked going into the toilets with a large camera I had to take a picture as you can see below!

PDT Etiquette
PDT Etiquette

Just to Clarify



Treat others how you would like to be treated.

  1. Keep the volume of you conversation at a reasonable level: please refrain from yelling or cursing.
  2. Making or taking phone calls is prohibited in the bar: feel free to text message.
  3. Do not interrupt other guests. If you came here to hit on strangers you are in the wrong bar.
  4. No PDA at PDT: hands on the table, tongues in your mouth.
  5. We reserve the right to ask for our table back one hour after last drink ordered.
  6. No game playing: yes, that means that you can’t play scrabble at your table or shoot craps in the back patio.
  7. On drunkeness: we will refuse service to any guest that has had too much to drink. No questions asked.
  8. Please turn off the light and close the bathroom door behind you.


This must be a bar after Wittertainments own heart!

If ever there was an Official Kermode and bar this must be it!  New York, however, is a little far to travel for a decent bar! Does anyone in listener land know of any bars like this that are closer to home? Please spread the word if there are!



P.S. Yodeling and “Hello” to Jason Isaacs


So just in case you aren’t aware of the Wittertainment Code of Conduct here it is for you all!

The Wittertainment Cinemagoers Code of Conduct
The Wittertainment Cinemagoers Code of Conduct

Catch you all soon!